Without His Queen
by avatarmerida
Summary: Loosing her was unthinkable, but sometimes fate has other plans. A king must somehow continue to reign without his devoted queen, but even death isn't enough for him to let her go. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

"Sir, this is a fairly dangerous neighborhood, please use caution," advised Hawkeye from behind the brigadier general..

"I'm well aware of that, Hawkeye." he said calmly. "Luckily, I have you to see to it that my surroundings don't interfere with my work."

"Regardless," said the captain. "If you keep your nose in that file while you're walking you're going to walk right into traffic."

"I suppose it is my own fault for waiting until the last minute to read the debriefing," said Mustang with a chuckle.

"Well, I would appreciate if you could spare me from being punished for your negligence by having to save you from being run over."

He knew she was trying to keep things light seeing as how he'd been so stressed out lately, but he could also sense her serious intent. President Grumman made it known to the public that he intended to retire soon and it was no secret who his intended successor was to be. Mustang and his team had made great strides in Ishval but for every person who admired his mission, there were several who disliked his efforts. Since the rebuilding began, there had been numerous blatant attempts on his life, keeping Hawkeye busy and more alert than ever before.

He didn't think it was possible for her to be any more protective of him but the past couple of months had certainly proved him wrong. Luckily, she had literally been preparing for this most of her life.

He offered her a light smile. "I'll certainly try, captain."

There was no question that Riza Hawkeye was good at what she did, and there was no doubt her skill and dedication would only intensify once Mustang was officially made fuhrer. It was whispered throughout Amestris for years that the only reason Mustang was still alive given his history of reckless behavior and what many dubbed a "hero complex." Though only the two of them knew the truth: that they kept each other alive. But regardless of the opinions held by the public, one thing was certain: with Riza Hawkeye behind him, Roy mUstang was untouchable. She had been taken from him before, seperated by government policies but as long as they could find someway to communicate, Mustang grew stronger. So, of course, the only way to truly stop Roy Mustang from taking office was to remove his queen from the picture entirely.

For good.

"Hawkeye, I think you worry too much," commented Mustang, his nose buried in the file.

"Interesting thought, sir," she said dryly. "I happen to think I worry the perfect amount. It may seem like I worry too much because you don;t worry enough."

"I worry about plenty."

"Yes, everything except yourself."

"Well, that's why I have you."

It seemed like nothing out of the ordinary, as they made their way to their meeting: Hawkeye thoroughly examined every alleyway they passed, locking eyes and shooting a death glare at anyone who came within 10 feet of the brigadier, and showing her weapon to the expected citizen who strongly disapproved of Mustang's intention with Ishval and chose to be vocal about in in a rather threatening manner. Typical.

Except, they never made it to the meeting.

It was at an intersection that Hawkeye felt especially uneasy. So many people, unusual for an assassination attack but at the same time perfect. Some terrorist groups meant to take down Roy no matter what the cost, even if it meant killing innocent civilians. In the past, they had been more private, sticking to poisoning him or stalking his house. But here Riza knew they were sitting ducks and suddenly her eyes saw all.

"Sir, get down!" she commanded literally two second before the shot was fired. The surrounding crowd went into panic, scattering. Trying to get away but not knowing who they were running from.

Hawkeye pulled out her gun in one swift motion, preparing to fire, frantically looking for her target. She traced the source and went to look but as soon as she was sure another bullet was fired from the complete opposite direction.

An ambush, she thought. She could tell this was well planned out. These were professional, they were missing on purpose to inform her they were surrounded. They were making it clear this wasn't some ragtag group of rebels but a determined force who would see the brigadier dead at any cost.

She couldn't allow Mustang to use his alchemy with the street so crowded with bystanders. The likelihood of a hostage situation or someone being taken as a human shield was just too likely and her best bet was to remove her superior from the situation all together. Another shot. Then another.

She ceased her own fire and ordered Mustang to take cover while she attempted to locate the gunmen.

"Not without you captain!"

"Sir please just let me do my job or I'll shoot you myself!"

He nodded, knowing there was no use fighting her and began to crawl towards a hotel. He planned to use the phone to call for backup, trusting Hawkeye to hold her own for a few minutes. He took note of his surroundings best he could in the chaos, just to the left of them was a river that could be used to hide or flee and could be used as a last resort. There were too any buildings with too many windows, who knew how outnumbered they really were? He tried to shake off the thought and focus on the task at hand, but half way there, he found himself looking down the barrel of a gun. He heard its owner laugh and prepare to fire, whispering something about Ishvalans. But before Roy could snap his fingers in response, he heard a grunt and then saw a combat boot send the gun flying.

In practically no time, Hawkeye was on top of the masked man, her own gun at his forehead.

"Who do you work for?" she demanded. The man merely smiled.

"Go ahead, kill me," he mocked. "I'm just a diversion anyway."

"What?"  
BAM! As if cued by this phrase, the hotel the brigadier was crawling towards crumble to the ground. Pieces of debris flew in every direction and Hawkeye abandoned her hostage to lunge at the brigadier. She covered him the best she could and made sure his face kept to the ground. He couldn't see if she was protected from the blast and then soon he couldn't see anything as the impact turned everything black.

When he came to consciousness, he wasn't quite sure he had as everything was still black. It took him a moment to realize that he was buried beneath a large amount of bricks and other rumble. He uncovered himself, noticing the dryness of his throat and the way his entire body ached. This had certainly been the most elaborate attempt yet, He could only hope no one else was badly hurt. Thank God for his captain-

His captain! Where was Hawkeye?  
He frantically looked around him, ignoring the severe pain that came with each movement but found no trace of her. She had been right next to him! How long had he been out? His mind flooded with every worst possible scenario as he struggled to call out her name.

"Hawkeye!" he pleaded. _Please let her be alright_ he thought, no he prayed. _Not again. Once was one too many times. I can't lose her._ Being in danger was nothing new, it was only when he was without her that the realness of it got to him. All the times she said she'd die for him echoed in his head, becoming all too real like a seal of fate.

"Sir, run!" he felt his heart melt. It was her voice. She was safe, well at the very least she was alive. His eyes found her. But for how long?

She was badly injured, that he knew for sure. She was cut up badly and bleeding but these were thing she always assured him came with the job. But as much of a fighter as Riza was, she was not invincible. The amount of blood she lost made it difficult for her to stand, but she was being held up by a masked man. Not the same man as before, Roy noted, this one was taller but they were no doubt from the same group. He held Riza by the neck and placed a gun at her temple, chuckling. He stood only a few feet from Roy but he knew if he tried to come any closer the gun would be fired without hesitation.

"Let her go," he demanded with every ounce of his strength. "I'm the one you want."

"Don't be an idiot!" she shouted. "Get out of here!"

"You know I can't do that Hawkeye."

"How touching," mocked Riza's capture. "But I see no reason why you both can't die. That way everybody wins."

He flashed Roy a cocky smile, demonstrating how pleased he was with his mission as Mustang felt the pain of this all too familiar situation. Hawkeye is danger, him feeling useless, and her willing to accept the finality of it all for his sake. He swore to himself there would be no repeating the Promised Day.

And so did Riza.

She summoned her remaining strength and fought her way free from the man's grip. He expected this, so she was not able to make him drop the gun but at the very least she could prevent Mustang from doing anything foolish to save her.

"Run!" she demanded.

"Not without you, captain!"

"This is really not the time, sir!"

She knew their time was limited and she was used to his stubbornness so in the moment she compromised. She brought him to his feet and steadied him, but before she could attempt to lead him away, he pushed her aside. He tightened his gloves and prepared to take aim, but his opponent was faster. The shot was fired.

But Hawkeye was faster.

She dove between the oncoming bullet and her superior, much to his horror. The bullet hit her right in the heart and he heard her cry out in pain. Her hand flew to the wound as the blood began to surface. She fell at Mustang's feet, and he merely stood frozen in shock.

"Captain!"

No response.

"Well, one down, two to go," said the shooter

Her eyes were closed. Her face in pain. She was loosing alot of blood.

"You'll pay for this!" declared Roy as he prepared to make his opponent suffer. The man merely laughed.

"Oh, I have no doubt you'll attempt to destroy me and my men," stated the man, his gun still raised. "But I intend for this to be one vendetta you seek to fulfill alone."

Suddenly, Mustang was attacked from behind. Several men grabbed him by the neck and restrained his shoulders, taking advantage of the distraction his injured subordinate provided. All Roy could do was watch and struggle.

"Hawkeye!"

BAM!

Their leader shot Riza again. And then once more. She did not respond, which made Roy assume the worst. The enemy man merely chuckled at Roy's pain as he walked closer to his victim. He placed his boot on her arm.

"She's a pretty thing," he commented as Roy yelled. How dare he! "Such loyalty is admirable. And foolish. You'll never find another subordinate like her."

Then he began to kick her as if she was an old soccer ball. The restraining men tightened their grip on Roy as he fought against them. The man continued to kick until Riza was at the edge of the bridge and one more blow would send her into the water below. Her abuser looked at Roy with satisfaction as the flame alchemist's eyes filled with anger and sorrow. He delivered the final blow.

"Let's see how far you get without your precious bodyguard."

She disappeared from sight.

Within a few seconds came a confirming splash.

The masked man cackled.

Roy Mustang absolutely lost it.


	2. Chapter 2

They never found her body.

It had been over a month since the incident but still every conversation, every free moment, every thought he had was dedicated to finding Hawkeye.

Mustang had a reputation for putting off paperwork, it's true, but no one could deny the results the man got when he put his mind to something. But his dedication always came at a cost, mostly in the sense that there were few things that could waver his diligence. One of these things was Hawkeye. Mustang had a bad habit of working overtime and neglecting his health. He'd stay up late doing research and following leads and would come into work, utterly exhausted.

But he refused to acknowledge any of this when Hawkeye's life was on the line.

He refused to take his lunch break when he could revisit the scene of the crime and look for any evidence he had missed countless other times.

He refused to sleep when he could be walking Black Hayate by areas Hawkeye's attackers were rumored to be hiding out in to see if he could pick up her scent.

He refused to allow any of her things to be sold and so he continued to pay her rent so that if she ever happened to escape and make her way home one night, she would not be greeted by emptiness and the notion that everyone had moved on.

He refused to let anyone see him cry at her funeral. He refused to acknowledge it as her funeral.

 _Stubborn man_ , he could hear her say in his mind. _Damn fool._

This was different than Hughes, maybe worse. With Hughes, he swore vengeance but at least he had her to keep him in line and look after him. But with her gone, there was no one left who really understood him. No one who knew how to bring him back into reality and stop his downward spiral.

"Brigadier General, do you have a moment?" asked Armstrong timidly as he half entered Mustang office.

"Well, it depends on nature of your visit," said Mustang with some frustration. "Do you have any new leads on locating Captain Hawkeye or are you just here to waste my time?"

"Sir, if I may," began the man gently. "We're all worried about you; you're going to make yourself sick. Imagine if Captain Hawkeye could see you now, what would she say?"

"If she were here we wouldn't be having this conversation then, would we?"

"Brigadier, please…"

"I appreciate the concern, Major, but you'll have to forgive me if I'm less than thrilled to be the only one still working on this case."

"You know we all miss Captain Hawkeye, but you must admit you are taking this far too personally."

"Perhaps none of you are taking it personally enough."

"They stopped looking for her weeks ago..."

"All that indicates is that the military gave up too easily," said Mustang sternly as he jotted something down. "Forgive me for seeking justice for one of my most loyal subordinates, not to mention my oldest friend."

"It's understandable sir, I'm not denying that," stated Armstrong, patient as ever. "But the fuhrer has expressed concern for your well being… and has requested you take some time off."

"The fuhrer!" expressed Mustang angrily, slamming his fists on his desk. "She's his granddaughter! He should be just as outraged as I am! Maybe more so! And he wants me to stop trying to help her? Ridiculous!"

He stood up in a rage and quickly walked past the Major, pushing the much larger man out of his way and began storming towards the fuhrer's office. Armstrong frantically went after him, hoping to calm him down.

"Sir, please don't do anything you'll regret…"

"It's too late for that, Major," said Mustang. "There's nothing I regret more than allowing her to be hurt."

With that, he burst into the fuhrer's office, much to the surprise of the old man who became even more startled when he saw the look on Mustang' face. He knew he wouldn;t very much like his decision (which is why he volunteered Armstrong to break the news) but he didn't expect him to be this upset.

"What's this I hear about you wanting me to take a leave of absence?"

"Good morning to you as well, Roy," responded Grumman calmly. "Care for some coffee?"

"I don't know what your angle is fuhrer, but if you think I'm going to give up, then you're wrong."

He sighed. "Of course not. I know you, Mustang. You're just like her, you know, you never give up."

"Then why try and send me home?"

"Because you're tired," he said simply "And frankly, we're all worried you'll work yourself into an early grave. I know losing Riza has been hard on you, but you need to accept that she's gone."

"How can you say that?"

"Roy, please don't take this the wrong way. I'm only thinking of what's best for you. I know you want to keep working, and we both know I intend for you to be my successor, but none of that can happen with you being so distracted and worn down. Sooner or later it's going to catch up with you and someone is going to take advantage of that. Don't let her death be in vain. Take care of yourself. If you refuse, I'll extend your leave indefinitely and temporarily revoke your state alchemist's license. I need to make it clear that I will not allow you to work in your current state, and until you make the effort to improve it I'm afraid this is my only choice."'

"Sir…"

"I can't force you to move on Mustang, and I won't try," continued the fuhrer. "It's hard, believe me I know. I loved her, and I miss her every day.. No, I'm not asking you to forget her by any means, but you need to let go a little. Imagine how she'd feel knowing she was holding you back from accomplishing your goal. She was willing to die for you, but if she knew you stop living because of her, it would break her heart."

Mustang lowered his head as the words sank in. "You're absolutely right, sir."

"You're damn right I'm right," he said. "So do we have an understanding?"  
"Yes. I'll be back on track by Monday, I promise."

"Very well then," said Grumman, reaching into his desk drawer. "I know this whole ordeal has been hell for you, and I know there isn't much I can do to soften the blow, but I want you to have this." He took a small picture frame out of his drawer and handed it to Roy. "She'd kill me if she knew I still had this, but I think it belongs with you."

In the simple frame, was a picture of Riza like he had only seen her a handful of times. She was smiling as if she had just been laughing, really laughing, as if she couldn't contain herself. It was as if she didn't even know her picture was being taken, which she usually disliked. Her hair was down, and she held Black Hayate close to her chest who looked up at her like she was his whole world. Those who only knew Riza at work would hardly recognize her in this picture, but to Roy it seemed to capture her essence perfectly.

"I wanted a formal picture of her for my desk," explained Grumman. "She graciously agreed, indulging an old man, but she wouldn't smile. Not in a way that looked believable, which was understandable since she wasn't exactly thrilled to be posing for a photo on her day off. So, I was trying to get her to smile-she looked so much like her mother when she smiled- but we don't exactly have the same sense of humor. So just when I think I'm out of options and the photographer is getting tired of resetting the camera, I try one more thing. I say 'Riza, you'll never believe it; the colonel just called and it seems as though he refused to shower because you've made him aware of how useless water makes him.' And, I tell you boy, she just lost it, thought it was the funniest thing I;ve ever said. I had him take the photo right after she calmed down, and it's just beautiful, don't you agree?"

"Yes," said Mustang softly. "But I can't accept this sir. It's obvious you're very found of this picture."

"Nonsense, brigadier. I have plenty of pictures of her, but I think you deserve one of her where she's not in her military uniform. You should be able to remember her like this."

"Thank you fuhrer, I'll be sure to put it someplace safe," he tucked the frame carefully under his arm and offered his superior a salute. He turned on his heel and went to leave the room, he stopped just before he was about to leave and looked over his shoulder at the fuhrer.

"Fuhrer Grumman, could I possibly ask a favor of you?"

"Anything my boy."

"Could you please stop referring to her in the past tense?" his voice gave no indication he was fighting back tears.


	3. Chapter 3

Mustang was gone for two weeks.

At first, he attempted to continue his work at home. He still visited the crime scene and took Black Hayate for walks but without the obligation of work, he could dedicate more time to following leads. But eventually, he could find no more leads to follow. Everything he found turned out to be a dead end and a voice in his head kept screaming louder and louder for him to move on. He ignored that voice the best he could but he couldn't help but feel as though it was only a matter of time before fate made him accept defeat.

"Here he comes!" whispered Havoc loudly, frantically scrambling back to his desk from the window. The rest of the team attempted to act natural, but it was obvious they were tense. True, Mustang was supposed to have used the two weeks to relax, but there was no telling how he would react to this kind of news, no matter how relaxed he may be.

"M-morning, brigadier general!" stuttered Fuery as Mustang walked through the door.

"Morning all," he responded nonchalantly.

"You're looking well Mustang," noted Breda.

"Thank you, Breda…" murmured Mustang suspiciously. The last time his team had been this attentive and nervous looking had been when the search for Hawkeye had been officially called off. There was something none of them wanted to tell him, but something he needed to know.

"So," he began. "Anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

"Nothing much really," said Falman.

"Yeah, just same old same old, really," added Havoc.

"Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork," said Fuery with a nervous chuckle.

"Okay then," said Mustang as he slowly made his way over to his office. He stopped when he reached Hawkeye's desk, as he had become accustomed to doing. He had fought to keep in in tact, taking it upon himself to keep it free of dust and organized just the way she liked it. But in his absence, someone had cleared it off entirely. The few things she kept on her desk now occupied a box, confirming that everyone had given up hope that she'd be returning.

"Is this why you all are acting so strange?" asked Mustang, gesturing to the desk. "What did you think would happen? I'd burn the place down? Honestly."

"Right sir, how stupid of us," commented Havoc lightly. "I mean, you're fine now, right? You can totally keep your cool."

"Exactly, thank you Havoc," said Roy as he went to pick up the box of Riza's things. He just naturally assumed he'd be the one to take it, seeing as he was still looking after her apartment. He knew he didn't need to ask. "I've accepted I'm in the minority when it comes to continuing the search for Hawkeye, but I won't take out my frustrations on any of you. None of you are to blame for any of this, and I need to keep this place up and running for Hawkeye's sake. If she knew I let anything slip through the cracks in her absence, she'd kill me."

"So, you're fine then?" asked Havoc cautiously. "You're not going to… overreact to anything?"

"Of course not," responded Mustang as if the whole notion was utterly ridiculous. "I've got to keep a level head, and that's exactly what I intend to do."

"All right then sir, just remember to keep that mentality about you no matter what," advised Falman.

"Of course, I'm a man of my word," he said with a laugh. "Havoc, why do you keep looking at the clock? The day's just begun, are you already done for the day?"

"Funny sir, but uh, no not exactly…"

"You got a hot date tonight?"

"Well, yes," admitted Havoc with a small laugh. "But that's not what…"

Before Havoc could finish, a light but firm knock interrupted him. Sheska timidly stuck her head in.

"Hello?" she greeted shyly. "Am I late?"

"Sheska! To what do we owe this pleasure?" greeted Roy.

"Oh, hello brigadier," she said. "Good to see you're back. Um, I have some files for you to sign before the arrival of your new assistant…"

"New assistant?"

"Oh dear," she said. "Does he not know?"

Mustang inhaled deeply, obviously trying to remain calm. "No Sheska, apparently my team neglected to inform me of this surprise…"

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I can come back later!"

"No no, you're already here Sheska, no point in dragging this out," said Mustang as he went to enter his office. "Let's take a look at those files."

"Yes sir!" she said quickly as she rushed in, her arms full of loose papers and books. Mustang shut the door behind them as he set the box of Hawkeye's things under his desk. "Um, there isn't too much for you to do, the fuhrer oversaw the selection process…"

"Oh he did, did he?" asked Mustang as he sat down. "He decided to wait until I was away before making a decision that would greatly affect my team, did he? How very interesting."

"Um…"

"And I assume this new assistant will be occupying Captain Hawkeye's desk?"

"Yes sir, now I just need your signature to keep on file…"

"Because the fuhrer felt I was somehow incapable of doing this sort of thing on my own," continued Mustang on a rant. "He knows my team was hand selected and that Captain Hawkeye, who is his granddaughter, by the way, flesh and blood, is potentially the most crucial part of this operation. Pardon me if I consider her irreplaceable."

"Sir, I understand…"

"How would you feel, Sheska, if you came back from a near death experience, nearly escaping with your life by any means necessary only to find all your closest friends and colleagues have replaced you? Hurt? Betrayed, even? After everything you've done, people just forget about you."

"It doesn't sound very nice, sir."

"No it doesn't, Sheska," agreed Mustang.

"Sir," began Sheska, somewhat uncomfortable. "I didn't know Captain Hawkeye very well, but I always admired her. She was very strong and smart. I know the two of you were close and I can tell her lose has been extremely hard on you. But… if the tables were turned and she was the one dealing with you being gone… well it'd be hard, I'm sure and I know she want to believe you were out there somewhere, but she'd realize that things will change as a result…"

"Sheska, I appreciate the sentiment," interrupted Roy. "But regardless of how everyone else may be reacting to all of this, I know my subordinate and I know she's out there. I just believe it's common courtesy to mourn the dead and not the living. So thank you for the advice…"

"Oh, it wasn't advice sir, it was really more of a distraction…"

"What?" He looked past the nervous young girl and saw someone standing at Hawkeye's desk. He saw the stranger had already made themselves at home, placing several picture frames and other small decoration. It took everything in him not to burst out into the room and demand an explanation, but he knew word would get back to the fuhrer and that would not be good for him. Sheska continued to babble and try to get him to sign off on the whole thing, but Mustang merely stared into the room angrily disliking the whole situation.

"Just leave the forms, Sheska," he said at last. "I'll look them over as soon as I get the chance. Thank you for stopping by."

She nervously took her leave as the brigadier general did not look at her but maintained eye contact with the window that separated him from his team, hands folded under his chin. He knew there was no arguing with Grumman about this, as much as he wanted to, but this was one change in this whole mess that he could not see himself getting used to. He couldn't go out there and make a scene in front of his team and this new assistant, this wasn't their fault, but he wasn't used to feeling this way without her there to talk him down. He decided to look over the forms Sheska brought him, a decision Hawkeye would approve of, no doubt.

Her name was Erika Z. Waye She had been transferred there from a small town not far from Resembool. She had previously been assigned to escorting diplomats from visiting countries, planning their itinerary and processing any paperwork they may need. She was best known for her friendly demeanor, patience, and attention to detail. She was organized. She was quick on her feet. She seemed like the perfect person to be his assistant.

He needed to find a reason to get her transferred.

He decided to avoid her until the transfer went through. He didn't want to put a face to the name and feel guilty. But what could he do? He couldn't have Hawkeye coming back to someone else at her desk. Grumman had already decided Roy needed a team to protect him rather than one bodyguard, but there was little he could do about that in the meantime.

So he put in the request, and did what he could to avoid formally meeting her. She left files on his desk and collected them, but they never spoke or even saw one another her first few days. It was all a tad bit ridiculous, to be perfectly honest.

"So brigadier, how do you like your new assistant?" asked Havoc one day , popping his head in before he took his cigarette break

"I haven't really had the pleasure, to be perfectly honest," commented Mustang, not looking up.

"She's really nice," he insisted "She's always smiling, it's great for morale."

"I'm sure she's great, but I'd really rather not see someone else at Hawkeye's desk."

"I understand that, but I think Captain Hawkeye would like her too," said Havoc sincerely. "She's all about efficiency, plus she brought in cookies the other day!"

"I have no doubt she's a hard worker and a good employee," said Mustang. "But the fact of the matter is my team is full. There are many places she can thrive, but she was brought in to fill a space that is only temporarily empty. So I've requested to have her transferred."

"Are you serious?" he asked, somewhat loudly. "I mean, I know you and Hawkeye had something… unique, but I think she would be disappointed in you."

"Careful, lieutenant…"

"I'm sorry sir, but she was always going on about what a great guy you were and how you had all this potential and great ideas and she was willing to do anything to get you to the top, but it's like you don't even care. You're just stuck, and it's pathetic. Sorry boss, but it's the truth."

Havoc's words rang in his ears for a long while. It was nothing new, there wasn't a single person who hadn't said something similar to him since the incident. But the time of sparing his feelings was fading, and people were less sensitive as they saw his stubbornness less endearing and more pathetic. Avoiding change was so easy before because he could simply preserve her things and her memory, but now there was someone stepping in who was concrete proof that she was really gone and she may not come back.

So this time, when she knocked on his door he didn't tell her to come back later or pretend to be one the phone.

"Well hello sir," her voice was chipper and light. "It's been a crazy couple of weeks, hasn't it? I feel as though we keep missing each other! I know you're a busy man, but I must say it's a pleasure to formally meet you."

"Likewise," responded Mustang quietly, attempting to seem welcoming to the woman before him. She knew he was avoiding her, but she was being polite. He didn't deserve her. "Is there um… something I can help you with?"

"Oh, I just have some files for you from the fuhrer," she said with a smile. Her dark red hair fell just past her ears and curled outward, kept out of her face by a simple headband. She wore a pair of simple glasses, large black frames that drew attention to her big brown eyes. Her eyes seemed to smile even when her face was resting, she was overall a very approachable and trustworthy looking person. She was vibrant, to say the least. "If you could fill them out as soon as possible, that'd be fantastic."

"Of course," he said, clearing his throat. He suddenly felt incredibly stupid for avoiding her all this time, surely it made her job very difficult. "Right away."

She stood across from him, tilting her head to the side and smiling, gently taping her foot.

"Is there something else I can help you with Miss Waye?"

"Erika is fine," she said. "I'm just waiting on those forms."

"The ones you just brought?"

"Yes sir, I see no reason why we need to put it off," she said with a light laugh.

"Well, okay then _Erika_ ," he said as he took out his pen to sign them. Erika shifted her weight back and forth as she waited in silence.

"That's a lovely picture," she said when he was nearly done. He looked up and saw she was referring to the picture of Hawkeye, the one Grumman had given him.

"Uh, thank you,"

"Is that your wife?"

"Um, not exactly," he said absentmindedly, not really listening. Then he realized what she had said. "I mean, no, no. She's a friend, a coworker. She's a captain here, you'll probably meet her soon."

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to assume…" she said, embarrassed.

"No it's fine," insisted Mustang with a small laugh. "It, uh, happens more than you think actually. We've known each practically our whole lives, I should be honored to have strangers think I'm her husband. She's out of my league."

"That's sweet," said Erika. "Oh, and she has a dog? Oh, I love dogs!"

"Uh, yeah. She's crazy about that little guy. I'm looking after Black Hayate at the moment, but I'm no Hawkeye."

The smile vanished from her face. "Oh, that's captain Hawkeye? Oh, I'm so sorry sir, I had no idea."

"Why? Oh, you must mean- look, I don't know what you've heard or what you think you've heard, but please don't do what everybody else has done. I don't need any more pity or shots at how I've responded to this. Despite what everyone may be saying, please don't see me as some kind of pathetic fool for not believing she's dead."

"Sir, I could never," she said gently. "It's not my place to pass any judgement. So long as it doesn't affect your work, I see no harm. Though, if you should decide you need someone to talk to, I'd be more than happy to offer an ear."

"Oh," he began, somewhat surprised. "Well, that's very kind of you. Thank you."

She smiled at him. "Anytime, sir," she said as she gathered the papers from his desk. "I look forward to working with you."

"And I, you," he watched he make her way out of his office, holding the files closely to her chest.

 _She's a fine young woman,_ he thought to himself. _Perhaps we can find a place for her here after all._


	4. Chapter 4

It was a lovely night, the sky was clear and the stars were able to shine through. It reminded Roy of the night where he and Riza would stay at work far too late to the point where they were both exhausted and he would purposely take his time walking to the car with her, caught up in the thought of walking beside her on a moonlit night, regardless of the circumstance.

During the months that Erika had been working for him, the two had become close. She was like a beam of sunshine and proved herself to be one of the most compassionate people Mustang had ever met. He confided in her his frustrations about the military, his fear of failing as fuhrer, and how jealous he was that Havoc was spending most of his free time with Rebecca Catalina since they had started dating. But he never expressed to her the kind of feelings he had in moments like these.

She knew he missed Riza, but she didn't know how deep it really went. She didn't know how he felt about nights like these. Roy hated to admit it, but he didn't entirely dislike Erika. She was very warm, always going out of her way to say hello to him and ask him about his day. She loved his sense of humor and filled the office with laughter. She was especially patient with Mustang, for she sensed his hesitation around her, but she was determined to not only be a good assistant but to be a good friend to him.

The two of them were walking back from a meeting with some volunteers in the Ishval rebuilding, a meeting which had ran very late. Roy was walking unusually fast, surprisingly not tired after having been working a full day and then some, and Erika struggled to keep up with his fast pace in her skirt and high heels.

"Sir, if you could just slow down a little bit, I'd really appreciate it," she said with a chuckle.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said. "It's just that I'm usually home by now to take Black Hayate for his walk. It's later than I thought it'd be and we still have those clearance forms to look over before tomorrow."

"Black Hayate... that was Captain Hawkeye's dog, wasn't it?"

"Yes, I've temporarily adopted him while she's… away."

"You live fairly close to here, don't you sir?"

"Closer than the office,"

"Well, I see no reason why we can't take Black Hayate out before heading back," she said finally catching up to him. "I'd love to meet the little guy."

He looked at her, somewhat surprised. "That's very kind of you," he said. "I think he'd really appreciate it. I promise we'll be quick."

"No problem."

Mustang's apartment was in complete disarray, more so than usual, (though to him it was organized chaos) but Black Hayate had easily made himself at home even though his new surroundings differed greatly from the pristine environment he was used to.

"Hey there boy!" greeted Roy enthusiastically as he threw his arms open to greet the pup. Black Hayate jumped up barking, exciting to have company. But, instead of running into Roy's arm as his temporary master expected, he lept towards the woman behind him. He whined until Erika knelt down to pet him and his tail wagged as if he had been waiting for her his entire life.

"Well, well, well," mused Mustang as he watched Black Hayate happily lick a slightly embarrassed Erika.

"It looks like someone has a way with animals."

He swore he saw her blush. "Or it seems as though someone has properly taught him to be cautious around strangers."

"I haven't had much time to continue his training," confessed Mustang. "Besides, Hawkeye was so strict, and I know I could never fill her shoes. He's a good dog regardless, and I don't really want him getting used to following anyone's commands but hers."

"So, you really believe she's-" Erika stood up to meet his gaze, but what was behind him caught her attention instead. His wall was covered with newspaper clippings and files. There were strings connecting different sections and handwritten notes strewn all across. It was like a map. Or a ransom note. Or a cry for help. "-coming back?" she finished asking almost in a whisper.

"With all my heart," he said without thinking, then he followed her gaze. "Oh, uh yeah that… it's nothing. It's just me bringing work home with me."

"Is this about her?" she asked stepping forward to read what was there.

"Yes," he admitted slightly embarrassed. "The military has given up the search but there's no one stopping me from continuing it in my down time."

"When do you sleep?" she asked quietly.

"I'll sleep when I'm finished."

"You should give up."

"Excuse me?"

He was genuinely surprised. Sure, plenty of people had told him to move on, but none so forwardly. They had tried to be gentle and careful with him, two things Erika had been since he had met her, but she did not attempt to soften the blow.

"This needs to stop," she said, her voice becoming louder and more harsh. "There's a reason the search was stopped and sir it's not healthy for you to keep doing this to yourself."

"I appreciate the sentiment Erika, and no offense but you don't know what you're talking about."

"I think i know all too well," she continued her eyes glued to the wall. "You can't accept this change. You can't move on. You're letting it destroy you slowly. You need to stop waiting for her."

"Where is this coming from?"

"A place of concern," she said gently. "I mean, look at is the mark of an insane person. You are expected to lead a nation and you're allowing one woman to tear you apart. And I know you… cared for her but no one lives forever."

"How would you feel if someone forgot you?" he asked after a few moments of silence. "She risked her life for me countless times. She uprooted her whole life to protect me. When she thought she lost me she nearly gave up. How do you forget someone like that?"

"You don't," she said, turning to face him. "You won't forget her. Clearly, she meant alot to you. But she would want you to keep going, the same way you'd want her to keep going. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting. But sir, she is gone. And I'm sorry if that's hard for you to hear, but you needed to hear it."

"Maybe I did."

She cleared her throat awkwardly, remembering why they had come in here in the first place. "I mean no disrespect sir, but I'm not about to sit idly by and watch you be coddled," she walked passed him to where Black Hayate's leash was hung, her heels clicking against the floor. She attached the leash and lead the little dog to the door. "Now, shall we?"

He absorbed her words in silence, replaying how her despotic words fought with the lightness of her voice, yet the two joined together to force him to a realization. He lifted his head a took a long, hard look at the wall and saw it through her eyes. Maybe he was crazy. Most of the time it was his life on the line but whenever it came to her… something came over him. Now the ending was blurred and uncertain and for the first time he was facing the reality that life would move on without her in it.

Whether or not he wanted it to.

"Very well, Ms Hayes," he said as he let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. "Let's go and get this little guy some fresh air."

The next day, Erika expected things to be a bit tense between her and the brigadier general, as he had a reputation for taking things far too personally. But he greeted her with a face that did not suggest that she had shattered his will the night before.

"Good morning Erika," he said with a smile as she walked in. "Are you here for the clearance forms?"

"Um, yes sir," she said as she walked over to his desk. "I also brought you some coffee, extra sugar, just the way you like it."

"How kind of you," he said as she traded the cup for the file. "And before you go… I just wanted to thank you."

"It's no problem sir, the coffee shop is on my way to work,"

"No, no for that," he said. "About last night…"

"Sir, really I-."

"No, no," he insisted. "You said exactly what I needed to hear and I appreciate it. I've since then taken down the board and I'd like to apologize if I become even more unbearable. She was just very important to me is all."

"I understand," she said simply. She offered him a small smile as she turned to leave. "And if you ever need anyone to talk to about... any of this, I'm always here for you sir."

"I appreciate that."

"So, I see you're finally warming up to Erika huh, chief?" said Havoc as he walked by Mustang in the cafeteria.

"I suppose you could say that," admitted Mustang sheepishly. "She's an excellent worker."

"And she's not so bad on the eyes either,"

"Don't let Rebecca hear you say that,"

"All I'm saying is that it's nice to see there's someone else who makes you happy,"

"Havoc, you know there's no one like her,"

"I know that," he said solemnly. "But still, it's nice to see you smile again. I mean, you can't deny she's amazing."

"I most certainly can't," said Roy. "And she's amazingly intuitive. You know, she never even asked me how I took my coffee? Having her here… it feels like Hawkeye never left."


	5. Chapter 5

It was a conspiracy theory that Mustang kept to himself. Such a notion could easily get him committed, or fired, without question. As far as everyone else was concerned, Mustang was moving on for the sake of his career and his sanity, but in actuality he was beginning a whole new investigation, going on nothing more than Erika and Riza knowing the same insignificant fact about him.

Somehow, Riza was still alive. In fact, she was right under Mustang's nose.

For some reason, Riza was pretending to be Erika.

It was actually rather difficult to see with the naked eye, Riza was an excellent undercover agent. She fully committed to the role: adopting new mannerisms, altered the pitch of her voice, and even came with an elaborate backstory. But for the one person who knew her best, it was only a matter of time before the connection was made. The way she carried her books close to her chest, the way she raised an eyebrow when he tried to get out doing work, the way she laughed... these were the things he loved most about Riza. He had convinced himself that these things were gone from his world forever, but they had re-entered it quietly.

There were a million explanations for this: she was suffering from amnesia, she was testing him, she was mad at him. Whatever the reason was he didn't care, he just needed some kind of proof to confirm everything. Even if the charade continued, he just needed her to admit her real identity to him.

In the meantime, it was a relief to know she was alive and with him.

"You've been working a lot of late nights this week sir," noted Erika as they were walking to his car one night.

"We both have," he said. "I'm sorry for any inconvenience, I know being my assistant leaves you very little time for a personal life."

"I don't mind sir," she said as they reached the car. "I'm actually very impressed with the progress you've been making. You've been so diligent and it's admirable of you."

"Why thank you Erika," said Roy as he took the driver's seat. "It's nice to be appreciated."

They drove the rest of the way in silence. With anyone else, it would be awkward. But when you're with someone who has followed you to hell and back again, you're comfortable with silence. This only encouraged him to follow through with his plan even more so. Granted, it was risky, but ultimately it would be with it in the long run.

But it had to be subtle.

"So," he began gently as they pulled up to her apartment. "I'd like to try and thank for all your help recently."

"There's really no need sir, it's my job."

"And one you do very well," he added. "But still, you've gone above and beyond your expected duties and I know I'm not the easiest person to work for, and I think you've earned the right to have a little fun."

"I suppose I can't argue with that logic," she said with a smile. "What did you have in mind?"

"One of the committees working on the Ishvalan rebuild is hosting a fundraiser this weekend, and I'd be honored if you would accompany me there," he said. "It's a black tie event and I haven't really been to one without… by myself and it would mean the world to me to have you there. It's supposed to be a pretty good time."

"I don't know," she started. "I mean, champagne, charity, small talk… sounds pretty unsettling."

"I know the whole ordeal sounds exhausting, but I promise to make it worth your while,"

"You don't have to convince me sir, as your assistant it's my duty to go where you go."

"Well, that's just it," he said nervously. "I don't want you there as my assistant, I'm asking you to go as my-

"Friend?"

"-date," he said at the same time, his face turned red when he realized what had happened. "Um, yes, my friend, exactly. I mean it's a good time for a good cause and I want you there, but only if you want to be there. I don't want you to think of it as work. I mean, I guess I thought, well…"

"Roy," she said gently and she put her hand over his, mostly to stop his sputtering (which it did). "Er, Brigadier General, I'd be honored."

"Perfect! Thank you, I mean, yes, I mean-."

"I'll see you tomorrow," she laughed. "You can tell me more about it then, sir. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"Sooooo, how are you this morning chief?"

"Fine, and yourself Havoc?"

"Obviously not as well as you," said the lieutenant. "Words travels fast around here ya know, you sly dog."

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about,"

"Rebecca told me you finally got a date to the event on Saturday,"

"Oh did she?"  
"Yup. Gotta say, I'm proud of you Mustang. Erika's quite the catch."

"It's not like that Havoc,"

"That's not what Rebecca said," Havoc smiled slyly as he leaned on Mustang's desk. "Mustang, it's okay to admit that you like her. She's great. It's nice to see you happy, ya know it's been awhile."

"Don't you have work you should be doing?" Havoc could sense he was tense.

"There's no need to be so defensive, ya know," said Havoc. "I'm happy for you. Hawkeye wouldn't hate you for moving on-."

"Havoc, honestly you don't know what you're talking about…"

"Sir, forgive me if I'm crossing the line but we all knew how you felt about Hawkeye. Believe me, I've gone drinking with you enough times to know what I'm talking about. Even if you won't say it, you loved her. And what you two had it was real, and it was real complicated. And you think that by having these feelings for someone else it somehow takes away from what you had but I promise it won't. Because she loved you and she'd want you to be happy."

He left on that note, leaving Mustang to think about why he was really doing what he was doing. It was clear people were still discussing him and how he was handling the incident. They were still worried he was unstable. They believed it would affect his abilities as a leader. They thought he was in love with Riza Hawkeye. Well, that part was nothing new.

But his judgement wasn't clouded by trivial rumors, no, he wasn't doing all this because he was some hopeless romantic. No, he was… he was right about this. Gossip and suspicions concerning him and his captain aside, he'd do the same for anyone. He was sure of it.

Drastic times call for drastic measures.


	6. Chapter 6

He was nervous. Why was he so nervous? True, the whole womanizer image was a facade for the most part, but it was still unlike him to be nervous over a woman, especially Hawkeye. She hadn't made him nervous since they were young. But perhaps his nerves were due to the fact that she didn't want him to know who she really was. Maybe it was from that small part of him that had some doubt.

The evening had to go according to plan, any error no matter how small could lead to all of his hard work go to waste, or at the very least make things very uncomfortable in the office.

Mission aside, his mind was set on making the night as perfect as possible. Regardless of who she was, Riza of Erika, Roy knew she had little time to enjoy such frivolous things as night out. He saw no reason why he couldn't do further investigation while treating her to a lovely evening at the same time.

"Good evening brigadier general," the red head smiled as she opened the door to greet him.

He smiled back, he felt like some dopey little school boy. "Good evening, I hope I'm not late."

"No, actually you're early," she said, surprise in her voice.

"I know," he admitted sheepishly, "I actually got here awhile ago but I didn't want to be too early so I've been sitting in front of your house for the last 20 minutes. But only because being early is considered rude in some cultures and I didn't want to be rude but then I started to get worried that your neighbors would call the police and so I-."

"It's fine," she cut him off with a laugh. "I think it's sweet that you're so excited about tonight."

"You do?"

"Of course. You've worked so hard, it's nice to see you're proud of getting a little recognition."

"Yes, of course, that's it," he replied. And then he remembered. "Oh, and these are for you." He practically shoved the bouquet that he had been hiding behind his back in her face.

"Tulips?"

"Your favorite."

"Yes," she said, taking them in her hands, not taking notice of the fact that she had never once told him her favorite flower. "I'm afraid I don't have a vase for them."

"I thought as much," he said, bringing his other hand from behind his back to reveal a small blue vase.

"Well don't you just think of everything?"

"I certainly do."

"Well, why don't you come in while I put these in some water?"

Her apartment was simple, and look as though nobody lived there at all. Inside was just furniture, no personal belongings or mementos to suggest any aspect of Erika's personality. She seemed like the kind of person who would love that sort of thing, yet her private surroundings indicated that she never intended to have anyone visit. Maybe he was just overthinking it, true she was still moving in, but it was just suspicious enough to satisfy his ongoing theory.

"You're not wearing the dress I sent you," he noted. Granted, she still looked stunning in the dark blue one she had selected. It was simple, but it did her justice. A sweet heart neckline and lace sleeves and its length made her legs seemed even longer. She wore her hair down and curled. But his eyes seemed glued to her legs, he was an advocate for mini-skirts for a reason, and she seemed to be that reason.

"It was lovely dress," she confessed. "But Rebecca picked this dress out for me as soon as I told her you had asked me to go, and there's no saying no to that girl."

"Understandable. Next time then." Of course, the fact the dress had an open back, which Riza would never wear for obvious reasons, had nothing to do with it. No, that would be too easy.

"Mustang! Fashionably late, as usual!" exclaimed a fairly drunk Rebecca as he led Erika into the ballroom.

"Catalina! Drunk early, as usual!" joked Mustang.

She raised her eyebrow and Roy knew she was preparing a few choice words for him, as did Havoc who nervously stepped in between the two. "Hey there chief! Great turn out, huh?"

"It certainly is, Havoc," he agreed with a grin. "It's nice to see some many people support the effort."

"The effort would be nothing without you sir," said Erika, matter-of-factly. She believed she was merely stating a fact, but Havoc and Rebecca shared a knowing glance.

"Woah now there Erika, don't go inflating his ego anymore," joked Havoc. "His head has gotten even bigger ever since you agreed to be his date."

"Please, it's crowded enough in here without Mr. Flame Alchemist turning into a hot air balloon," added Rebecca, taking another sip. "With any luck it'll rain later and take him down a few notches."

As if on cue, Erika burst into laughter. It was the kind of laughter that consumed her whole body and she had to hold onto Roy's arm for support. It rose and rang and just when it was about to cease, it toppled over itself and restarted even stronger. And by god, it was contagious. Such remarks at Roy's expense usually brought an eye roll and the occasional jaunty comment from him, but something about the way the woman beside him could not contain herself got to him and he joined in.

Mostly because he knew that laugh. Not many people got to hear that laugh. It brought to mind one evening when they were young, sitting across from his master's daughter, both supposed to be consumed with their studies. She was shy, but she as the only friend he had and he was doing anything and everything to get her attention. But she refused to acknowledge his hijinks of paper balls, card tricks, and knock-knock jokes. But just as he was about to give up and return to his notes, his chair gave out from underneath him and he found himself sitting on the floor. Embarrassed and confused, he looked up to Riza whose face lit up instantly and was overtaken with a lively laugher. She shook and tried to cover the sound with her hand but failed. She was sorry, she said between breathes, she wasn't laughter at him, she sore, she was so sorry, this was so embossing but he didn't care, it was adorable. It could listen to it all day if she let him.

Without a doubt, it was Riza's laugh.

After a while she stopped, suddenly aware of all the eyes on her. She cleared her throat. "Terribly sorry," she said, embarrassed, "That was entirely unprofessional of me, I apologize sir."

"Don't be," he said with a smile. "It's a party after all, I can take a joke or two at my expense."

"And I've got plenty of 'em," added Rebecca.

She blushed, nevertheless. "Party or not sir, there are still many important people here who want to speak with you. I already saw two possible sponsors for the volunteer committee on our way in. I think if we try to, we could-."

"Erika," interrupted Mustang. "I appreciate your dedication, and I do intend to get plenty of work done tonight, but before any of that I have one request."

"And what's that, sir?"

"One dance," he said, extending his hand to her.

"I'm afraid I'm not much of a dancer sir," she said shyly.

"No need to worry, I happen to be an excellent dancer," he said gently. "Just follow my lead."

"Are you sure this is appropriate sir?" Erika asked as he led her onto the dance floor.

"I'll be dancing with plenty of wealthy widows and daughter of investors tonight," he said. "Allow me this one indulgence."

"Well I-." he spun her around before she could properly reject him. Then he pulled her close to him, their faces mere inches from each other. It was nothing scandalous, it was merely how people danced. He held up her right hand in his left and wrapped his other arm around her, gently placing his hand on her back. She looked at him somewhat dumbfounded, surprised at his forwardness. But why should she be? Mustang was known to be a notorious womanizer, but there was only one woman who knew he only did it to keep up appearances.

"Well I suppose it is the least I could do, at least for one song."

And so they danced for one song. And the song after that. And the song after that. They hardly noticed the songs changing. She danced fairly well despite having no experience. Almost too well. It was true that Mustang was an excellent leading man, but the way they danced suggested they had known each other for years, in sync like lifelong partners. She anticipated his every move and trusted him complexly, like only one woman ever had before.

And he was sure, he couldn't be surer. The way the chandelier lights reflected in her eyes, highlighting the golden flecks hidden in her brown eyes. This was Riza, living and breathing in his arms. Regardless of if she wanted to continue the facade for whatever reason or have things return to the way they were, he could use this one night to let her know he would do anything so long as it meant she was with him. She was alive. He just needed to hear it from her to put his heart and mind at ease.

His mind made up, he stopped. He brought his lips close to her ear, and felt her tense up and bit as he came closer to her.

"I need to speak with you privately," he whispered. "There's a closet just outside the ballroom. Meet me there in five minutes. Alone."

He darted away just as the song ended, before anyone could ask him for and a dance or a few words for a column. She was left standing alone in the middle of the ballroom, contemplating for the first time whether or not she should follow him.

He waited in silence and darkness until at last he heard the door open and close quickly, followed by the sound of high heels shuffling towards him. His hand traced the wall looking for a light switch.

"So lovely of you to join me," he began as he flicked the light on. "I didn't think you-."

"Really? That's the line you wanna go with?"

"Rebecca?" remarked a very surprised, and slightly embarrassed Mustang. "Look, I'm flattered and all…"

"Oh shut up," she said, rolling her eyes. "Look, we don't have much time. I don't want to be seen walking out of here with you."

"Lord knows I've stolen enough girlfriends from Havoc…"

"Anyway, I need to talk to you about Erika," said Rebecca very seriously. "Doesn't she… remind you of someone?"

"No, I'd have to say she's one of a kind,"

"Oh cut the crap," she said a little more desperately. "The way she laughed earlier, you can't tell me that didn't bring someone to mind?"

"Catalina, what are you…?"

"It's Riza!" she exclaimed in a loud whisper. "C'mon Mustang! She was my best friend, and I just can't shake this feeling. When I first met Erika, it felt like I had known her for years, you can't tell me that doesn't mean something. I can't help but be suspicious!"

So, Roy wasn't the only one who saw it. But he didn't want to tell her everything just yet, just in case.

"Suspicious of what?"

"I don't know," she confessed. "But there's only a handful of people who have heard Riza laugh and you're one of them. I can tell you had the same thought. It was exactly how she used to laugh when we'd go out for drinks and talk about you."

"Wait, when did you go out for drinks and talk about me?"

"You think someone can spend all day with you and not need a shot or two afterward?" she inquired with a raise of her eyebrow.

"But, um, wh-what kinds of things did she say about me?"

Rebecca gave him a gentle smack on the head. "Stop changing the subject," she demanded. "You know Riza better than anyone, so I can only imagine you saw through Erika months ago. Unless this is one of those weird undercover missions you two were always going on, we need to get to the bottom of this."

"You're right," he admitted. "I'm thankful you see it too, I was worried I was going crazy. But a few minor similarities aren't enough, I need concrete evidence it's her before jumping to any real conclusions."

"I'm guessing you already have a plan?"

"Yes. I just need to be alone with her. Ten minutes is all I need."

"And you were going to complete this investigation in a supply closet?" she asked sarcastically. "Ew, were you going to-?"

"No!" he exclaimed before she could finish. "It's not… I mean… I know what it looks like but…"

"Uh-huh," said an unconvinced Rebecca. "Look, if you're going to do this, whatever this is, then you're going to go it right. Go to the east wing, it's far enough where no one bothers going there when there's a party happening. I'll convince her to be there in 10 minutes and I'll take care of anyone who may be looking for either of you."

"You'd really help me?"

"Of course," she said gently, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Losing her was hard on both of us, and if there's a chance to get her back then we've got to do whatever it takes. I know you're a good guy Mustang, and nobody will ever be good enough for Riza, but you come pretty close."

"I don't know what you're implying Catalina, but I'm grateful for your help,'

"Sure thing," she said with a smile as she opened the door a crack to make sure the coast was clear. "Besides, we both know the only instance Riza would ever follow you into a supply closet would be if your life was in danger. Wouldn't want a repeat of that time when you were teenagers and found out the hard way that her hall closet didn't lock."

"She told you about that?!"

Rebecca sent him to a large library, each wall filled entirely by books, old and dusty. Windows stretched long enough to frame the outside sky, but he pulled the curtains to ensure their privacy. A part of him worried she wouldn't come and his absence would be noticed, but he attempted to push aside these doubts as he read an excerpt from a book on alchemy, his nerves refusing to fully calm.

"Hello?"

She came! But she didn't see him, and he remained hidden for just a moment to observe her. She looked around the room, not trusting her to be alone. Classic Hawkeye.

"Hello there," he said at last, though he could tell she was not startled.

"Oh! Brigadier General! You startled me!" Always committed to the role. But he saw right through it.

"A thousand apologies," he said, waking down the stairs towards her. "Foot startling you and for the secrecy. I'm affair I recruited Rebecca into my scheme, but I simply had to speak with you alone."

"If it's not urgent, could the matter wait until Monday, sir?" she inquired, her voice filled with sincere worry. "I'd hate for any gossip to arise if word got out that you and your assistant ran off to God knows where alone."

"I'm not too concerned with gossip," he said as he reached the floor and sauntered over to her, her back against the door prepared to leave at a moment's notice. "It's not like I haven't heard worse. Besides, I have it on good authority that we won't be the talk of tonight by a long shot."

(It was true. Rebecca has seen to it personally that she and Havoc be the center of attention. She merely had to comment on Mustang's superb dancing skills and the man made it his mission to show her a thing or two about dancing.)

"Regardless sir, I really don't think this is a good idea,"

"What's not a good idea? Two friends having a conversation in private?" he was dangerously close to her now.

"Friends?" she repeated, her tone both intrigued and skeptical. "Not coworkers? I take it this is pleasure rather than business."

"I suppose you could say that," this was his voice reserved for Elizabeth. "But, the laws that forbid mixing business and pleasure were abolished a while ago, so I see no harm."

She sighed. She let go her grip of the door and walked to him, staring at the ground as if looking for the right words to say. She reached forward and straightened his tie, a nervous habit Riza had developed after his first promotion. Her heels allowed their eyes to be level and he saw them smiling even though her lips were not. Her lips…

"It's true there's no law agaienst it, but I do have a policy, Mr. Mustang," she said lightly. "While I am flattered, I find the ordeal rather unprofessional, I hope you can understand."

"Why Erika, are you letting me down gently before I've even confessed anything?"

"I thought I'd save you the trouble,"

"That's very kind of you," he said. "But I think you know me well enough to know that once I set my mind to something I intend on following through."

"I haven't known you that long, sir."

"I disagree," he said, firmly placing his hands over hers.

"You're drunk."

"I haven't had a single thing to drink all night."

Her eyes met his. She saw how gentle they were, so soft and sure and full of love. Completely enamored by her presence. They were safe and cool and somehow managed to block out the white noise of the party downstairs and freeze time so only they existed for a moment. She realized all too late that she had become lost in them, and her own widened in horror.

This is what she had been trying to avoid.

In her mind, she was objecting, finding the will to leave and was halfway down the hall. In her mind she was preparing the perfect way to let him down easy, to erase the hopeless thoughts he had of her from his mind for good. To let him know she wasn't who he thought she was.

But these words became muffled when he started to kiss her.


	7. Chapter 7

The kiss didn't last long, just about as soon as he made contact, she pushed him away. Somewhat confused, he looked at her and saw she was furious. The next thing he saw was her hand coming straight towards his face.

"Roy Mustang are you insane?" demanded a very angry voice. He had never heard Erika angry before. Erika didn't get angry. The always pleasant overtones within her voice had vanished and revealed a familiar lower, delicate voice that was far more accustomed to yelling.

"Riza," he breathed, his eyes finally seeing through her disguise completely, wiping away every doubt he had. There was no waiting any longer, no questioning his sanity, it really was her. The plan hadn't gone accordingly, but who could argue with these results?

"Are you a complete idiot?" she demanded again. "This is one of the most important events of your career and you risk undoing years of progress to seduce your assistant?!"

"I wasn't trying to seduce my assistant! I was trying to seduce you!" he insisted, realizing how stupid he sounded, but not caring because he was lost in the bliss of knowing she was really alive. "I mean, I was trying to seduce my assistant to prove she was you!"

"Do you even understand the severity of the mission you just compromised?" she was absolutely livid at this point, angered by his actions and his current state of responding to her scolding with his big dopey, love-struck grin. "I can't believe you would be so irresponsible! What were you thinking?!"

"I'm sorry, I just-."

"How could you be so irresponsible?!"  
"Hawkeye, if I could just-."

"What were you thinking?! I mean did you even consider-."

"I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you want me to say? Everyone said you were dead, Riza! Dead! What was I supposed to do? Why would you want me to believe you were dead?!"

Her face remained unchanged, still utterly harsh and furious. As he yelled, he moved closer to her so their eyes were once again aligned. She stared him down as he tried to catch his breath realizing for the first time he was feeling more than just relief, as there was still so much he didn't know about the situation and he was furious. He was confused. He was hurt. He was scared.

"Because I was a threat to you," she whispered bleakly. Her bottom lip trembled, as if she was fighting back tears.

"That's ridiculous," he started.

"No it's not," she said as though she was utterly exhausted. "It's really not sir. I know you must see it, but you keep pushing it back like it's something you can ignore or come back to later but we both need to wake up and realize that… it's impossible. If you're going to change the world for the better then some sacrifices need to be made to get you where you need to be."

"That's crazy."

"It's not," she insisted. "I'm sorry for the secrecy sir, I really am but you know by now that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to protect you. After the attack happened, I was taken hostage and they demanded information on you. I refused. Eventually, they thought they had broken me. They mocked me with all the different ways they could hurt you and I agreed to cooperate so long as they spared your life. But they had other ideas. They wanted to use me against you, use me as bait to lure you into a trap. I knew it would work. So I lied. I told them I had come around, that I believed all the things they said about you, that I wanted to help bring you down. They knew my history and how close I was to you and agreed I was the best person to take you down. "

"So you were a double agent?"

"Exactly," she said turning away from him, not exactly proud of what she had to do. "But of course I knew everyone's location and I meticulously kept you away."

"But why the whole facade? Why a new identity?"  
"It took me awhile to recover," she admitted. "And to come back once I had healed, there would be too many questions. The terrorist organization thought I couldn't manage holding a military ranking and work for them. They needed me as a civilian to draw less suspicion."

"Did anyone else know?"

"Just my grandfather. How else could I falsify a whole identity and get a highly coveted job in the military? He swore to me he wouldn't tell anyone, and it was the only way I knew he wouldn't assist you in continuing to look for me."

"You still could have told me."

"No I couldn't have,"

"You don't think I would have understood? Why didn't you trust me?"  
"Because of the way you looked at me," her voice was loud and sounded hurt. It was as if these words had been a weight upon her soul that forced strength upon her.

"What?"  
"After the Promised Day, you looked at me differently," she continued. "The same way you looked at me when we were younger, before Ishval. Like things aren't complicated. Like you can overlook consequence. Like you seen me as more than a bodyguard or a soldier. More than a friend. That's dangerous. And I know how painful it was when I thought I lost you and I know that if I came back your feelings for me would only continue to put you in more danger. And I needed to know that you could see your dreams through without me, because your dreams are more important than me."

"That insane!"

"No it's practical," he voice was tense and firm. "One of us needs to have some sense here!"

"Says the one who faked her death to avoid her oldest friend."

"No, says the one who knows what it's like. The thought of losing you nearly killed me. But the world can afford to lose me. But not you. You need to be stronger than that. And I refuse to be the one holding you back when all I've ever wanted was to help you move forward."

"And that's _all_ you've ever wanted?"

"Of course. Protecting you is my main priority."

"But why?"

"Because I love you dammit,"

She wasn't shy about saying it, and she did not say it gently. She waited for him to continue with the argument, her eyes serious and narrow, but despite her angered looks he felt his heart leap with joy. He felt his face turn red, his own expression softening allowing her confession to make her all the more beautiful. Under different circumstances, in another life, this situation would be much more romantic and this would be the most complicated thing they would have to overcome. And even though it was far from being such a thing, his happiness convinced him that time and consequence could slow down for just a few moments so he could savor it all. Against his better judgment, he leaned in to kiss her.

"No," she said, placing her hands on his chest to push him away.

"But you just said-."

"No, sir. I know that this can't happen. I accepted that long ago. But I won't accept you stop trying to fix things, "she was doing her best to get things on track, but how could he not be fixated on this revelation?

"I won't."

"You almost did."

"But you didn't let me."

"But I won't always be around."

"I know that," he reached out to touch her face, still in awe that it was really her face. "Losing you made me realize how short life is. I know our situation is… complicated, but I also know that you are important to me. So stop saying you're not as important as my dream, because you're a part of my dream and you're just as much of a part of all this as I am. I would not be here without you. I'd be dead without you."

"You were almost dead with me."

"At the very least I had a life worth living."

"Stop it!" she demanded angrily. "Stop romanticizing this. Sir, after everyone we've done, do we really deserve this? After all the lives we've ruined, this hopeless mess we've contributed to, that you're risking your life to fix, I don't deserve to be this person for you. I can't even imagine a life like that, where I'm anything more than your subordinate. I can't afford to. Even though… even though I care for you, I cannot indulge this kind of thinking because we've missed our chance at a life like that. So I need to protect you because I can't forget all the horrible things we've done but I need to see a world that's not plagued with our mistakes."

This information was nothing new. This speech was nothing new, he had heard bits and pieces of it countless times over the years, but never with such desperation in her voice. It sounded as though she had rehearsed this speech in order to convince herself or it all. But as well as he knew her, he never saw the full picture. He thought she said these things for his benefit, knowing a large part of his heart still existed in the innocence of their youth when the only thing keeping them apart was the awkwardness of first love. But despite the sacrifices they both had made over the years, despite the risk and uncertainty that part of him refused to die. He was still that doey-eyed teenager who looked at her like she was the moon and stars. Even when she thought her light had faded, he knew better that it couldn't possibly.

"I understand, Captain," Captain. She was his captain. His subordinate. He needed to return to status. He needed to compose himself.

"I don't think you do sir," she responded urgently. "There are members of the terrorist organization that took me hostage here tonight. They weren't supposed to be here tonight. I fear they've come to distrust me and are acting out. I don't know what they've got planned but I can assure you it's not good news for you. You're in grave danger and we need to get you out of here."

"Hawkeye, I know the situation is serious and you're mad at me but I can't get over how happy I am that you're alive

And before madness could ensue, he kissed her again, and she let him. Because in this moment, she was glad she was alive too.


End file.
